-
When
I am afraid to let people close
because when they leave
they’ll take pieces of me with them
and I might just fall apart
and they might just show the world
the raw pieces of my heart
that have lived and died and
breathed
for them -
Perception
I always figured that love was
something that grew on you
that life changed as you grew up
and like any mystery I could
solve the uncertainties
because that’s what people do
or at least that’s how I saw them
there was a time when
winter nights felt like
the stars were falling and
I could catch them as though
they were meant for my fingers
and all that mattered was how many
I could scoop up and set free
and they may have well been
shooting stars
because that’s how it felt to me
and that’s what I thought love was
a tiny piece of beauty that would
fall right into my arms and
change the way life was and
I’d grow up that way
but I don’t feel like that anymore
I only see a bunch of
snowflakes -
I am a coward
I could tell the world how I feel
but it wouldn’t make me any different
they would only see how weak I am
and nobody likes the weak
and I am terribly weak
but I have so much to say
I desperately need to find my voice
because I am suffocating here
and I need to open up
but it’s scary
being open
being seen
being
me -
Puzzles
there are mysteries inside of us
memories ripped into tiny fragments
and each piece has a life of its own
they are pieces of ourselves
tiny thoughts and tiny feelings
and sometimes they hurt
it’s hard to see how they all connect
and we don’t always understand
why the pieces ache our minds
so we try not to look at them
but the answers are there
each piece belongs to another
and each time we study them
and each time we put them together
we find a little bit of ourselves
and all we can do is
search our hearts for the rest -
Comfort
if my mind slipped any further
into darkness
the rain would turn cold
and everyone would disappear
and I wouldn’t know
what to do with myself
because comfort feels like
warm rain and friendly eyes
and in darkness I feel
dead -
Restless
I am restless tonight
like unsettled waves
with no shore to kiss
and I am drowning in them
I wish I didn’t have to
breathe anymore
so the world would be still -
My life
This is not poetic, I just needed to write this. If you wanted to know some things about me, this would be a good place to start. I just started writing everything that came into my head about my childhood and my family.
-
River
There is a river that flows
From my heart to my brain
And it carries bits and pieces of you
Like algae you cling to cerebral tissue
And I cannot forget your smile
But I do not want you there
I do not want to remember you
Like salmon my suppression swims upstream
But it is no match for the
Tiny fragments of your eyes
And I am hurting inside
I do not want to remember you anymore
I do not want you here -
Naive
I am naive and I don’t know how to live
There is only my façade of emptiness
And I am plain like cold nights
Where time makes no impression in my mind
Because my head is long gone
Dreaming and remembering and dying
I find comfort here
And I hate it
I am obstinate in my thoughts and
I feel like life has put me
In the middle of nowhere
And there’s plenty of time here
Time for reflection and time for regret
And time for going insane
There is too much time and it aches
It always aches
And I admire those who are happy
Because they have found inspiration
They have found a way to live -
I feel like a martyr
I grow uneasy when the day begins to darken
And the moon takes over the sky
It’s as though the world disappears and
There’s only this small room where I
Sit alone and unnoticed and my mind
Becomes a perpetual stream of cynical thoughts
And I surround myself in my fears and sorrows
And I spend these lonely nights dreaming and dying and
Sometimes I spill my blood into words so that
I can empty myself and then I share them
With nobody in particular
And that’s only because I don’t have
A particular anybody that cares enough
And I am ashamed of myself
Because I’ve never done enough for anybody
I’ve never had the words to make someone smile and
I’ve never been seen as anything but ordinary and
I don’t know how to love
I don’t know how to love
